The Gift of Not Belonging Anywhere Is the Joy of Belonging Everywhere

I recently celebrated a milestone birthday across four cities — Austin, New York, California, and Singapore. A girls’ trip, a poetry evening, a pajama party, bowls of chaat shared amidst storytelling. And a surprise video: friends and family from around the world, all gathered on a screen to say we see you.

The gift wasn’t the birthday. The gift was the realization it carried: no matter where I’ve lived or landed, I’ve managed to find people who show up — for the hard seasons and the celebrations alike.

I grew up as what researchers call a Third Culture Kid — someone who spent their formative years between countries and cultures, never quite fitting neatly into one place. For a long time, that felt like a deficit. A permanent sense of being slightly outside. Always the new one. Always explaining.

What I’ve come to understand — and what I now see in the leaders I coach — is this: when you don’t fully belong anywhere, you learn to build belonging everywhere.

When you don’t fully belong anywhere, you learn to build belonging everywhere.

Why building belonging in the workplace starts with “outsiderness”

Organizations spend enormous energy trying to create belonging. We design onboarding programs, run inclusion workshops, measure engagement scores. And yet the leaders who most consistently build high-trust, cohesive teams are often those who have experienced some version of “outsiderness” themselves — people who know what it feels like to not automatically fit in, and who therefore became skilled at the intentional, relational work of connection.

Belonging is not a state you inherit. It is a practice you build. And the people who build it best aren’t those who were handed it — they’re those who had to figure out, often from scratch, how to make a home among strangers.

Here is what that practice actually looks like in high-performing teams:

Three practices that build genuine belonging at work

1. Presence over performance. Authentic belonging is created through genuine attention, not titles or polished presentations. Leaders who’ve navigated “outsiderness” learn early that what draws people in isn’t status — it’s the quality of being truly, attentively present.

2. Curiosity as connective tissue. People who’ve moved between cultures develop genuine curiosity about others as a survival skill. In the workplace, that same curiosity becomes the foundation of psychological safety — the research-backed condition where people feel safe to speak up, take risks, and be themselves.

3. Celebration as strategy. Teams that pause to mark milestones — joys and struggles alike — are teams that remember why the work matters. Celebration is not a luxury. It is a signal: you matter, this matters, we are here together.

On surviving vs. celebrating — and why it matters for team culture

My father had a philosophy I’ve carried through every reinvention: life isn’t just about surviving — it’s about the celebrations and memory-making that make it meaningful. He said this from wisdom earned through his own hard seasons of being a self-made man as an immigrant.

For many leaders and teams, the default mode is survival. Ship the product. Hit the number. Get through the quarter. Celebration becomes the thing you’ll do when there’s time — and there is never time.

But the research is clear: teams that pause to celebrate, acknowledge progress, and recognize one another perform better over time. Not because celebration is a luxury, but because it is a fundamental human need. It tells people they belong — not just to a project, but to each other.

Belonging is not a state you inherit. It’s a practice you build.

Reflection questions for leaders building inclusive cultures

Wherever you lead — a team of three or an organization of three thousand — I’d invite you to sit with these:

Who are the people in your work life who have stayed with you through the ups and downs?

Have you told them what that’s meant to you?

Where in your team culture are you defaulting to survival mode when what people actually need is a moment of genuine recognition?

What does belonging feel like on your team — not in the policy documents, but in the daily texture of how people show up for each other?

The gift of not belonging anywhere, I’ve learned, is that you never stop actively building belonging. You never take it for granted. You keep showing up, keep making space, keep asking the question: who else needs to be in the room? And, wherever you go, you experience the joy of building belonging.

Here’s to more celebrating — and not just surviving.

Sharanya Rao is a PCC- and CPCC-credentialed workplace coach, speaker, and facilitator. She works with leaders and teams on career transformation, leadership development, and building cultures of authentic belonging. She is the founder of Global Coaching Works and Artistic Director of Leela: An Indian Community Theatre.